cej214

with a banjo on my knee

2006-10-14T17:09:23Z

As the holidays approach and airfares skyrocket, I have ironed out exactly when I will be home for the holidays.

For Thanksgiving: Wednesday, November 22-Sunday, November 26

For Christmas: December 20-December 30

Not using your vacation days all year long makes for lovely holiday time. Let me know if y'all be around, I hope to get to see you at least at some point!

Wish you were here

2006-06-14T04:19:55Z

Sometimes I feel like if you were here and I could just wrap you around me like my own childhood blankie everything would automatically be better. I know that's a lot of pressure to put on a friendship, but even across the hours and miles and days, you should still know that you always ground me in the positives of where we have been and where we are going. It helps when everything seems so overwhelming and I'm drowning in my own failed ambitions that you are always there to be my lifeline. All it takes is a word or hug sent across a telephone line. I aspire to be that kind of friend for you.

fat bottomed girls, you make the rocking world go round

2006-03-20T06:33:32Z

so, it's been kind of a rough weekend. work is all up in a twitter. someone was fired. we're all being moved around. i have to decide who i want to work for by 9 o'clock tomorrow and what is best for "my career" and weigh that against what the head of my department wants and what will be easier for everyone.

i'm probably blowing it out of proportion, but it's been really tough for me. i've been thinking about it all weekend. then tonight my current boss called me and told me that she wanted me to stay with her, and i've completely changed my mind. i think i'm going to stay with her. we have such a great working relationship and there will be no drama about working with someone my own age. though i don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. know what i mean?

i'm not sure exactly how this is all going to pan out. but that's ok. it'll work out and the drama and the tears and the cursing that resulted from friday's upheaval will all work itself out. i have faith.

all and all friday night i really wanted a drink. but, no. it's lent. and i've been really good about not breaking lent and still having a good time while all those around me drink. my roommate has had two friends down from boston this weekend and the wine and spirits have been flowing freely the entire time and i haven't been tempted.

i even got hit on for the first time in months on saturday night. it was kinda fun. though i realize that it's probably not a good idea to mock the guy who is hitting on you. what kind of defense mechanism is this? please run screaming from me because i have belittled you thoroughly. but it was ok. i was much too good for that. in our 15 minute conversation the boy dropped his neighborhood name 3 times, the fact that he was an assistant camera operator on law and order svu twice and kept dropping the name of celebrities that he had worked with.

i could have dealt with those rather lame attempts to impress me, but i don't know what the story about how he used to deal pot to the oregon state football team was supposed to achieve. i mean, come on, i wasn't even drinking and he thought that drug stories were going to be a good idea.

but it was night to be made to feel attractive. so we're going to concentrate on that and working on not making boys run screaming from me. it might help if i stopped bringing daniel everywhere i go. for some reason people always think that we're dating. maybe because he likes to pet me like i'm his puppy.

for those of you in the birmingham area, i will be home the weekend of may 13, and while the majority of the weekend will be spent down at gulf shores for my cousins wedding i'd like to try to see y'all if possible. let me know if you think that will be a possibility.

i'm also feeling a little guilty about my roommate. she likes to buy presents, and pay for things like $200 dinner bills. it's a lifestyle i just can't afford. but it seems to be her norm. i can't really relate to it. since i'm pretty much living a hand to mouth kind of existence. but she is not my sugar daddy, if this keeps up i'm going to have to start putting out. though, it is nice to hang out and get along with a roommate.

ah well.

cej214 @ 2006-01-12T00:00:00

2006-01-12T05:09:57Z

"They say a clean cut heals soonest. There is nothing sadder to me than associations held together by nothing but the glue of postage stamps. If you can't see or hear or touch a man, it's best to let him go." ––East of Eden by John Steinbeck

I agree with this statement, but only for certain relationships. Namely where boys are involved. A clean break is best. With a goodbye. A definitive ending. It's best not to linger; it tends to only exacerbate the feelings of loneliness and withdrawal. The reinforcement of the idea that you will indeed die alone. However, a clean break is a decisive action, not the malingering of a weak soul. And in creating clean breaks and closing one door another one is supposed to open. And I think that when we are actually strong enough to walk away we will find something new and different and therefore in its own way better. The hardest part then is to let go. To say enough and mean it. Instead I tend to hope against hope that my finality is the finality of the movies. That tomorrow will bring forth a new meeting and a new outlook. While hope is a good thing, hoping for the wrong thing or someone is a futile exercise that leads only to cynicism and the abandonment of hope.

The key thing is to know who and when you should abandon someone or the idea of someone. And while in failed romance this is key, I think in true friendships there is something stronger than the glue of postage stamps. Our love for each other is enough to surmount any distance. Our friendships are not only self-sustaining, though we may not talk as often as we would like, as we should, or as we promise, they also help to keep us going. We are never alone. We have each other. We do see, hear, and touch. Even if we haven't spoken in months, we have background, priviledged information garnered over years of closeness that bridges, surmount any gaps of time or space. This is the beauty of friendship.

...

According to my Carebears calendar

2005-12-07T03:59:05Z

I will be home in two weeks. Hooray! Neeta will I be able to see you before you leave? I hope so! I'm home the 21st-30th.

In Need of Your Opinion

2005-11-28T02:17:05Z

So, my computer is a little over five years old. Freaks out from time to time. And is overall showing it's age. I was talking to my mom about my desire to get a new computer. Preferably a laptop, which means I could keep my desktop and have room for a desktop.

She asked what I want. My instant reply was IBook. Then she offered to purchase said computer for CHristmas. Here are my two questions:

1. Do I really need an IBook? Is it really as wonderful working with Macs as I remember? Is the expense worth it when I'm not a graphic designer, a sound technician, or planning to edit a movie on my computer?

2. Is it ok for my mommy and daddy to spend this kind of money on me anymore? Haven't I reached an age when my mom and dad shouldn't buy me things like this? I know they like to buy presents for us, but I can't really afford to return the sentiment. I'm not in a place where big gifts are a possibility, as much as I would like to send them to PAris for a week, financially I just can't.

I would really appreciate any guidance you might have to offer, especially from you two Mac owners and enthusiast.

Feeling sorry for myself

2005-11-17T03:27:52Z

For absolutely no reason , all of a sudden, yet again, I've taken a wrong turn and landed on self-pity avenue. It happens occasionally, and in these moments of self-loathing I turn to you once again. Maybe Daniel's right and I need a little Paccil CR. Everybody needs it sometime, right? We're really no more fragile than anyone else, but sometimes it seems like our problems are more overwhelming, more important, solely because they are more personal. No, I'm not using the royal we, I'm including all of you in my misery. Not that you're miserable at this moment, but because I know you feel this way too, which simultaneously comforts me and saddens me. I want you to be happy. I evidently want me to be happy as well, because after all I am selfish beast no matter how much I'd like to pretend other wise.

I just feel really inadequate and ugly. Emotionally. Physically. Everything just seems subpar. Work. Relationships or the lack there of. I'm just slowly dripping away. I think the city is wearing away my sole, my integrity, my innocence. Five years is a long time, and yet only the blink of an eye.

Tomorrow will be better. And if not tomorrow, the next day. I thought exercise was supposed to boost your endorphins and make you feel happy. Read fast because tomorrow I won't want the world to know how self-indulgent I am. If I even post this. I think this is really more for me. I am worried about you but don't know how to tell you, help you, hold you.

Really, I just miss you.

Running

2005-11-12T19:39:45Z

I am not a runner. I don't ever run. In elementary school, I didn't run the mile so much as walk it at my leisure without any regard for some ideal time set down by the presidential fitness people. But today, for the first time in my life I actually ran a mile. 'Cause I'm going to count a speed of 4.5-5 miles an hour running.

And thus ends the self-congratulation portion of our program.

A Caroline Story for the Ages

2005-10-29T19:29:57Z

Umm . . . So Alison's friend Pip is in town and I hung out with him and Vida last night. They were really drunk. They kept making friends when they went out to smoke, which is all well and good until they bring one back into the bar with him. An older guy with a long ponytail who then felt the need to tell me how beautiful I was and kept squeezing my arm. Thank goodness for Pete, Pip's friend, who staid pretty close by throughout the night, because I was more than a little freaked out by this strange man who kept telling me I was beautiful and that there must be something wrong with men from Alabama, because I was the center of attention. It kinda sounds flattering, but not so much when it's coming from a dirty old man. Finally he stumbles away, but then as we are leaving the bar for the night Pip and Vida have made another friend. Carlos, a 28-year-old former undercover cop who is now training to be a weight lifter and who has a lot of piercings on his face. Somehow we all end up going to eat with Carlos, but yet I'm the only one inside at the table with him as the boys, my trusty companions, are all outside smoking. But it's ok, I'm sober and we're in a well-lit diner. And it's a little flattering the way he's flirting with me and then apologizing for being so flirtatious. Finally the boys come back in, we order our food (just a side note for the fans at home Vida got and ate the super waffle-a huge waffle, 4 kielbasa sausages, 6 pieces of bacon, some ham, and 2 eggs). Then the dirty old man walks in and comes and sits with us. Very uncomfortable. He and Carlos evidently don't like each other, and I have the eery feeling that it's because of me. This feeling is probably exacerbated by the fact that the boys agreed and it kinda started when the dirty old man repeated how beautiful I was in front of tongue-stud boy. So of course Pip and Vida are off to smoke, and Carlos suggests the other guy go too. And thus the invitations to step outside begin. The yelling. The speaking with the manager to call the police. Did I mention they were both really drunk, and I am now really freaked out. People are staring I'm being asked by both guys who started it. I don't really know. I'm just hoping that Pip and Vida will come back and the drunk strangers will go away. Eventually Carlos told the other guy just to wait for him outside, and he'd come out after he finished eating. For some reason this appeased the raging beasts and they calmed down, or maybe that was because Pip and Vida returned. THe dirty old guy left, probably because nobody offered to buy him and food. And me, well, I'm still a little creeped out.

Alison I wish you could have been there/here. On a happier note, Pip, Vida, and I sang along really loudly to some country music at the redneck bar last night . . . some SKinnard, some Johnny, but they didn't have any Hank. But there was a little God Bless Texas, and all your other 6th grade favorites.

This time next week

2005-10-14T02:58:42Z

This time next week, I'll be home. So looking forward to home. I miss you all very much, and am really looking forward to seeing you all.

Hooray!

I'm not quite dead yet . . .

2005-09-21T01:35:58Z

I'm feeling better . . .

I think I'll go for a walk . . .

I feel happy . . .

Just waiting for October, and donated a pitiful amount to my school's alumni fund.

cej214 @ 2005-08-14T17:52:00

2005-08-14T21:54:46Z

Not only do I have the YOU'VE GOT MAIL soundtrack. I'm listening to it. My only defense -- I think one of you gave it to me. So stop judging me. I can't help it that I don't have your cultivated taste in music.

I'm not enjoying reading Robert Parker. But hey, 100 pages down, only 300 more to go before work tomorrow. Something tells me this is going to be a long night.

In the spirit of fair play

2005-08-11T02:43:24Z

I have absolutely nothing to say, but feel the need to comment somehow before someone accuses me of being the worst sort of voyeur.

I just bought baby presents for one of my cousins in NC. I love shopping for baby clothes. Though to be honest, while I want a baby, I don't want one any time soon.

I like work. One of my coworkers is miserable and constantly complains. I'm very lucky to have had the most excruciating first job ever, so that when someone complains about how much they hate work I can commiserate having hated work, but also realize that I feel incredibly lucky to no longer be miserable. This is what happy with work/enjoying work feels like. SO everyone, find the worst job ever. Be miserable for 6-9 months and then the world will seem much friendlier.

However, this could just be the adrenaline as I have been to the gym 4 times in the last 5 days and am looking forward to going tomorrow. As Alison has recently pointed out, hey we weigh less than we did at prom. So for me only by like 5 pounds but hey, don't judge me.

Happy Wednesday.

Poll: This is your chance to have a say in my life. If you care please let me know what you think would be best.
I'm debating two options for coming home. Option 1-sometime at the end of February, for those of you who measure time by a football schedule that would be Tennessee weekend, and probably only for Friday-Sunday. Option 2- come home for THanksgiving, probably Wednesday-Sunday. Oh and I just thought of a third option, both do to a large donation from the tooth fairy. This is all of course pending on me having any money what so ever.

My Barbie Dream Date

2005-06-28T23:17:15Z

One of my coworkers is stalking, playfully, through me the guy with the office in front of me. We decided he was her Barbie Dream Date. Which got me to think about my Barbie Dream Date. And I have decided that I definitely have one; however, it is imperative that one qualify what exactly a Barbie Dream Date is. People hear it and automatically assume it's the person that I have a huge major crush on, want to be with, am stalking. At least I assume this to be the case, as it was my initial impression of my coworker.

True enough there is something about the Barbie Dream Date that is attractive. However, as with "My First Ken" this is just the start up version. You don;t truly know them, so you get to create them from the trunks on up. It doesn't actually matter how they dress, what their manners are like, what they do. Because you are going to recreate all of that (unless of course this is the certain aspect to which you are attracted). All that matters is they present some sort of foundation from which the mind can build.

You could never actually date them, at least not while they're still your Barbie Dream Date (at least if you are me), because you actually have to get to know them first and let the reality replace your fantasy. Some people want this to happen, others find it scary as all get out.

Me, at the moment, I'm in a very happy place living in my own reality or lack there of depending on your perspective.

Happy Tuesday. I leave for California on Friday!

Alison turns old on Saturday!!

Sally and Laura I hope that you are still enjoying your jobs.

Neeta your new puppy is very cute. Even though I know in reality I would be more than slightly afraid of him.

Damn it all

2005-06-21T02:01:13Z

I just wrote a lovely entry about my time in RI, but the evil monster who lives in my live journal just ate it. Let's recap.

I missed Amber. Amber time is fun even when just driving around listening to music and doing nothing. Especially good times were had in the form of Coupling (the BBC version of course -- I learned about the Sock Gap and NAT), a spaghetti dinner, and a little Two Buck Chuck all courtesy of Amber's mommy. There was also some Dave Chapelle ("DOes Wayne Brady have to choke a bitch?")

Got to see some other people. Really drunk guy who passed out in the bushes at 8:30 in the evening. Tabby randomly appeared. Andy is so much fun. I wish he were my brother. Lee cleans up real pretty. Don Johnson (sans white suit and hot pink t-shirt) looks like a Beatle.

I have been in a bit of a funk lately. See all the lame, slightly repetitive live journal entries. But I think the good old Amber and ALison one-two punch may be having a positive influence.

I've got nothin' . . .

2005-06-13T03:09:46Z

but want to say something none the less. I feel compelled to post, for no other reason most likely than I'm procrastinating. I'm afraid the vampire novel I've had a week to overread and still haven't gotten past chapter one isn't really holding my attention. Ah, the joys of procrastination -- they never end.

Nothing is really going on at the moment. Yesterday I went to Christine's sister's graduation barbecue (not to be confused with BBQ - dang I could really go for some right about now). Realized that teenagers en masse are really a different breed. I love the family, though. Aunt Marianne offered to adopt me. That was pretty sweet. Cousin Danny is hysterical. Got to meet Aunt Dianne who now lives in Florida. It's good to have an adopted family (by the way, Alison my momma says hello, she misses you).

Got to see Christine this week, too. She was home at the beginning of the week but had to go back to Illinois to be in the lab. May, June, and July are the months for seeing my friends. I am soo excited about Amber's visit (and the possibility of a little R.I. time as well as NYC time with her, to be followed shortly there after by a little California time). Before you think, oh no, overload. You gotta remember we lived together for 3 years, and still hung out together. We were pretty attached at the hip, for people who still led very different lives. Though, she should probably be blamed almost entirely for any and all debauchery.

I wish money grew on trees and I could go home for another weekend. Kelly's managed to break herself again. Though, they think now it's just a sprain. But this may very well kill her chances of being seen by college lacrosse coached in Maryland later this summer. I hope her ankle heals.

I think another reason I felt the need to post, is the overwhelming feeling of singleness I've got going on at the moment. There was a toddler at the barbecue on Saturday, and I think he got those maternal urges going, not in the I want to have a baby right now kind of way, but in the I want to have a baby someday, so I should probably start working on having some sort of romantic interest kind of way. Especially if I don't want to settle, though Mel's probably right, as is Parker, in their declarations that I'm entirely too picky. But nothing good comes when I settle either. One would think, with my interest in gentlemen who tend to be less than attractive and rather large, this would not be such a problem, but no. Where are all the corn-fed men? I mean come on. I probably need to get out of NY to find one. It's part of the five to ten year plan, which of course is more like the five to ten year castle in the air.

If you have read to this point you deserve a cookie and a gold star. I have lots of stickers left!

In honor of Amber's impending visit

2005-06-08T23:34:18Z

and my own boredom, I present . . .

Which drunk are you?

You're drunk like me

You're suave, sensual, can play the guitar like a mother effing right even after 40 oz of rum, you epitomise what drunkenness should be...

Click Here to Take This Quiz
Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

It's hot and sweaty

2005-06-06T01:37:12Z

So . . . summer has arrived in NYC and with it the temperature has jumped up about 20 degrees and the humidity has skyrocketed. And I have come to the realization that all of my windows need replacing immediately. I only have one out of three that will open right now and of course it is on the wrong angle to catch the breeze and continuously falls down into the closed position. Making my room hot as heck even though the sun has gone down and it's only 74 degrees outside. This room, though huge, is hot in the summer and cold in the winter. I think it's time to move . . .

Beyond the weather, I haven't got much. Oh, except I'm going to get to see all of my college friends (some at least). Christine is home now, I get to see her tomorrow. Amber is coming here for a weekend in June. Then I am going to California for the fourth of July where I will see Amber and Liz. The possibilities are overwhelming!

Peanut allergy

2005-05-20T04:16:01Z

I just finished reading a 280 page book about peanut allergy. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask. I am now a fount of useless knowledge. I guess I should really say even more useless knowledge.

And they say freelancing isn't fun. I have four projects that I need to do this weekend. But hey, that just means more disposable income for fun things like California. Hooray!

Venting

2005-05-15T22:42:52Z

I'm tired of it. My friend Mel was heart broken when his girlfriend broke up with him. Continues to talk about the rage he felt when she made out with another guy. And yet this weekend he hooked up with a married woman. I think the mystical/magical/downward spiraling/destructive world of romance would be so much simpler and probably the world as a whole if people treated each other the way they wanted to be treated. However, when I drew the parallel between his behavior with the married woman to how he felt when Katie did something similar to him (though in my mind not really as KAtie and Mel had been dating for a month and this woman had been married for 5 years and has 3 kids) Mel didn't see why his behavior might cause other people hurt. After all the woman liked it.

Maybe I am just not ready to delve into this world of relationships -- if they can actually be referred to as such. Sorry, I know you didn't particularly want to read about this, especially as you all are dealing with your own tales(whether there be princes or frogs).

Oh, and the guy who got the number definitely didn't call, which may be affecting the current state of my opinions. I realize that I am way too needy and insecure for anything even approaching the realm of relationships. So be it, for the moment.

Baby, I'm Coming Home!

2005-05-10T03:00:27Z

Ok, so it's only for a weekend. But the big metal bird will drop me off May 27 and won't be taking me away until May 30. That's Friday night through Monday afternoon. Memorial Day Weekend. You should all write this down and then call me so that we can have a play date. I understand that not all of you will be in Birmingham. I do not expect you to teleport, but those of you who will be around, please save a little bit of time for me.

Neeta, Congratulations on completing the semester!!

Laura, There are jobs where all you do is love and support people. If that's your passion you can make it happen. (This completely off topic, sort of, but the other day I read this article that stay at home moms for all the hours and tasks they perform, if they were working in outside the home would earn on average $130,000.)

Sally, Where have you gone?

Alison, I need you to kick my butt into gear.

I certainly hope no one else reads this. Cause it really isn't meant for you, but if you think I should include you in my target audience--let me know.

Are these posts too long? Too boring? I can come up with funny stories about clowns.

Stayed home last night

2005-05-07T15:52:58Z

Stayed home last night. First time in a while that I didn't drive myself out of the house in some desperate search for dissipation. It was nice to continue my slovenly downward spiral into middle aged boredom.

Yet, as all of my friends up here are having relationship crises (I went from being the only single person in the apartment to one of four) and are calling me at absurd hours in the morning to drunkenly whine/scream/cry to my voice mail, I realize how very alone I am and always have been. People keep saying that we can all relate to the situation. But honestly, no I really can't.

One of the women at work is in her thirties and keeps making comments about never getting married. And it obviously wasn't her choice. It's kind of a horrible foreshadowing of what my life will be. I mean she's happy, but you can tell that she feels that there is this big void in her life where a life partner/ husband/ significant other should be.

I don't want to be that way. For something that I feel is this important, I should be going out there--making it happen. But I don't even know how. Though really, I'm jumping ahead to tier 3 of the 3 tiered plan and completely skipping tier 2--making friends. If I had more friends, I would meet more people. Increasing the opportunities to achieve tier 3 and then move on to other as yet unnamed tiers, which I can feel starting to approach and supersede the current tiers in importance.

Sorry, I think I'm feeling a little maudlin. No reason really. I think the burdens of other people are weighing down on me. Even though they don't involve me.

The Delinquent

2005-04-18T02:44:12Z

Yup, evidently, that's me. I want to keep y'all posted, and I know this is the easiest means, since God forbid I pick up a phone and call you. It's not like I even have to dial or look up the numbers, they're in my phone. So here is my lame attempt to appease my own guilt, especially since I read your entries and feel kinda sad if there isn't anything new to read.

Work is good. Mostly I move paper around and try not to anger the incredibly volatile head of the art department. Waiting for boss 1 to quit and boss 2 to take over. Also waiting for more work. Am slightly bored and creating my own tasks as I go along. Galleys, of which I am responsible, are over a month behind due to lack of covers, completely the fault of wrathful art man. But I like it.

Went to Boston this weekend -- visiting my friend JJ. The weather was beautiful. Went to the MFA and now have a whole new appreciation for Georgia O'Keefe. While her subject matter didn't generally thrill me, I love her style. It's incredible the effect she creates with oils. I didn't know they could be so light, her work creates a feeling of translucence ,like the flower isn't really what's important but what is behind it. I know those of you who actually know about art are rolling your eyes, knowing that I really have no clue, and immediately after my encounter with O'Keefe ran screaming from Jackson Pollock to the soothing arms of the impressionist painters. I humble acknowledge my ignorance.

I love Boston. The T, if it ran past 12:30, is so much better than the subway. So much more relaxed. The people warmer, more inviting. Emerging back in New York to the hubbub and tourist that is China Town was a bit alarming. But I have realized that "college town" Boston is more than a little scary.

Had the weirdest dream. And this does seem to be the safest place to talk about this one. After all at one point or another we have all had incredibly weird ones. I was in charge of lighting for an incredibly elaborate Christmas production at my church, the one at home, and you were all there. Sitting anxiously in the first row of the balcony. And at one point, during what must have been intermission I am running all around the church, and at one point go careening up and down the choir loft steps, hurdling the altar on my way from one side to the other. I don't know why. But there was a guy there sitting with y'all. I'm not sure exactly who he was, a weird amalgam it seemed of every boy that I had ever found attractive (I know not very many to chose from), and at the end of the dream he kisses me. And the heat from this kiss staid with me even as I woke up -- making the dream memorable.

I got a job

2005-03-30T06:29:31Z

so, i got the penguin job. i'm going to be an APE (assistant production editor). i start monday. its kinda funny because i'm going to be the sole manager on duty thursday, friday nad sunday at karen's. you know the deli thing. i'm pretty sure parker posy comes in. she's very nice. the famous people are all so nice. you would think they would be kinda snotty, but no. they're our nicest customers, well some of them. the nicest is this older gentleman with the jaunty chapeau who always gets the blood orange juice.

More Procrastination

2005-03-28T05:14:50Z

So, yeah. Just procrastinating. I really need to write some thank you letters but I really just do not feel like it. Interviewed with Random House on Thursday. It went well. Two hours later I get a call back to come back in . . . on Friday. Also went well. Managed the store that night.

BOY has been downgraded. The potential has dissolved into a well . . . liz says that I can do better (though who she thinks is going to find me attractive I honestly don't know, since I think looks wise he might be out of my league- and no this is not a call for all that crap friends say about oh you are attractive or who wouldn't love you. thank you for your support but i really don't need it at the moment on this particular question). Would like to be friends though. I realized today/recently I need more friends. I have never had very many at a time, but at the moment I rely totally on Mel and Daniel for amusement. And now I've gone and got Mel a girlfriend.

Played third wheel on Friday. Yup, definite high school flash backs to William, Laura, and I. But with a lot more PDA. It makes me really appreciate how little PDA I witnessed back in the day. Speaking of which Daniel has this joke makeout face where he opens his mouth really wide and then leans in. However, I saw some man on the street do this as his real makeout face. If I had been his wife/girlfriend, I think I might have corrected this tendency to attempt to eat my entire face.

Sorry, I digress. Let's go back to the anomaly of my type and the fact that I haven't been truly attracted to someone, since June past the initial oh he's cute/funny/nice/hmm?. Is this healthy? Am I truly, as Mel says, too picky? But the only people who hit on me are middle aged and slightly scary. This week some man in his thirties approached me with the classic line: "I really like you." Like me? You don't even know me. I'm wearing stained jeans, a sweater over an oversized navy t-shirt and my hair is in a ponytail because I didn't have time to dry it this morning. And I'm pretty sure I smell like garlic. How in the world did you pick me?

I think my new goals are: find fufilling job in industry of my choice, make some friends who actually live in NYC (went through my phone the other night and out of people I actually talk to only like 4 live here now), find man to whom I can be attracted even if feeling is not returned.